Loneliness is a huge issue for a lot of people, not just due to the current lockdowns with COVID-19. For many loneliness, has been a constant in their life since childhood. Learn how to overcome loneliness with a simple realization.
I am an only child, and grew up in a very quiet home. My parents were older, established parents. And I was blessed with a stable, quiet home to grow.
But there were times (many times) that I felt profoundly lonely. My parents made sure I was active in extracurriculars, had a large group of friends, and even made sure I went to sleepovers and enjoyed time with my peers.
At the end of the day, I felt alone. And it wasn’t until I moved out and started to blossom into adulthood was I finally able to put a name to that feeling I always had. It became my mission to never be alone, ever, I figured this is how I could overcome loneliness.
I made tons of friends, threw myself into activities, and overbooked myself to the point of breaking. Just so I would always be with others, and not feel alone. Surprise, surprise, this never worked.
It did in the short term sense, I was busy and distracted with others. But no matter what, I still had to go home and be alone. At the end of the day, lying in bed at night, I felt alone.
Loneliness has many causes and many manifestations. You can feel lonely in the middle of a crowd, you can feel lonely surrounded by loved ones, and you can feel lonely when you are by yourself.
Loneliness is not just the presence of others, but instead the feeling of not being seen, and known. It can also be a profound fear for abandonment.
And every second we are alone, reinforces these feelings of being different or feeling separate from others. I struggled with this, and made terrible decisions out of fear.
I continued relationships with people that did not deserve my time. And I sacrificed my needs to ensure I could stay in the presence of others. This caused me to deny my own wants in order to be included. No matter what it took, I did everything I could to be in a group.
And I did not realize, that by doing all of these things, I was actively contributing to my problem. I was getting further and further away from seeing it for what it was.
At the end of the day I felt like I was drowning in a sea, and just trying to keep my head above water, just trying to be with other people. For fear that I would be pulled under to the dark deep loneliness of my soul.
If this is you, I see you, I know you, and you are not alone. It wasn’t until close to turning 30 that I had a literal epiphany one night lying in bed.
There I was lying next to the love of my life, grateful for his presence, but still internally alone. It was then that I finally looked my problem squarely in the eyes, and realized what I had been running from my whole life. Myself.
It was in this moment that I realized that I was never alone. That my higher self, my soul, my life force, whatever you choose to label it as, was always with me.
That no matter who came or left, that I, me, would always be there to care for myself and comfort myself. I realized, I didn’t need anyone else to do that, if I embraced my own self and took respite in my own soul.
I was never able to find what I needed in others, because what I needed was within me. But I spent so much time running from myself, that I never had the chance to listen. But in that profound moment, I actually listened.
And I heard the comfort and reassurance in my own thoughts, my higher self wrapped its arms around my soul, and for the first time in my life I felt complete. I felt physical relief. And saw clearly that it was only myself that I needed.
I can’t tell you how much this changed my life, and how much peace this realization brought me. My actions, choices, and interests have changed because of this.
I feel more in tune with my own intentions and needs more than any time in my life. And I owe it to the reassurance that I received that night.
I hope that if you are struggling with loneliness, that you have the courage to stop running and face yourself head on. Turn your sights inward, and embrace yourself for who and what you are.
There will never be anyone like you again in this world, no one knows you better than yourself. And you will never feel honored and seen by others, until you are willing to honor and see yourself.